your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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