when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
