Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
