Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
