i think i have two assholes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
