I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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