Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im holly from the hills drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
