I bet he comes in French.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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