I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was a blind-side dick pic.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
