Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
