someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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