a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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