I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
