Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
