that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
