woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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