Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
