You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
