ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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