WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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