i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
