Just fell off a train. Bad.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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