i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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