just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
