my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize