I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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