Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
