I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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