How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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