The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
