My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
