only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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