U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
