all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
