sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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