Need sex. Gaining weight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize