Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
