id be glad to
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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