Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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