I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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