I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
