last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
