I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
