Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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