I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's get the cat blown out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
