i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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