Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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