put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
