We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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