dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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