I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
