She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize