I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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