Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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