Will you blow on my dice?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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