Girls should come with a carfax report
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you had me at cake vodka
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
