Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize