I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
