Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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