P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize