i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
