So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
