Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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