RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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