thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
did you just send me my own nude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
