There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
